Struggling again…

Honestly, I wish I could be more regular with uploading posts, creating art and fulfilling art requests. Life has been hard lately

In January my stepsister’s sister passed away. I was very saddened by it and in part, it was why I struggled with the last of my semester in school. I don’t want to go into too much detail here but even though I did not know her very well I still felt impacted by her loss and the grief that my stepsister was going through.

On April 20th my boyfriend’s sister passed away. I feel so numb. Similarly, I did not know her too well either. However, I always had hopes that I would someday get over my shyness and become close to her. She was only a year older than me. I still regret that I did not make more of an effort to get to know her when I had the opportunity to. And, of course, I am devastated to see my boyfriend going through his pain. I keep waking up every day thinking that this was all a dream and she’s going to message him on Facebook asking him to come over.

I feel guilty that everything else in my life is going so well. I got into the schools I wanted to, I am enjoying work, I have good relationships with my friends and family. When I let myself be alone or do not keep myself busy I can’t help but let that darkness, guilt and sadness creep in.

I don’t know what the point of this post is. I just wanted to write it out. If you know anyone suffering from addictions please warn them about fentanyl, but also just love them and appreciate them while they are here.

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2 thoughts on “Struggling again…

  1. I really appreciate you sharing the pain you’re going through. I’m sure there are thousands and thousands that can relate. It is often the suffering of others that cause us the deepest pain, but I’m happy to hear that you have so many positive things happening for you as well. Please dont feel guilty about that. Appreciate them as much as possible, and trust that the pain your stepsister and boyfriend are experiencing now will become less and less as time passes. It’s likely that things are going well in your life so that you can be strong and optimistic for them, even though their struggles. Keep your head up! ❤❤

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